Now that the wise and wonderful Norwegians have bestowed upon Al Gore a share of the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in establishing the Church of Global Warming and the First National Bank of Carbon Credits, what new challenges lay ahead for the former Vice President?
I think I have found a cause worthy of Mr. Gore's keen, analytical mind. It is an environmental menace that each year takes as many American lives as have been lost in Iraq. We cannot escape the presence of DHMO. Why? Major corporations and even government agencies are involved in a cabal to control the use and distribution of DHMO. They do not want you to know how dangerous this substance can be.
Only Al Gore, the inventor of the Internet and Savior of our Planet possesses the charisma and truthiness to bring to light the menace posed by DHMO, also known as Dihydrogen Monoxide, which has been implicated as a factor in Global Warming! A watchdog group, DHMO.org has tried to sound the clarion call.
Here are but a few of the dangers this group has scientifically proven are related to DHMO in our environment:
- Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
- Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
- Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
- DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
- Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
- Contributes to soil erosion.
- Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
- Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
- Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
- Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
- Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
It has also come to my attention that both President Bush and Vice President Cheney re users of DHMO; that they literally bathe in huge quantities of it.
So please, Gentle Readers, do your part and spread the word, we must draft Al Gore to assume the lead role in battling this environment disaster in the making.