Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever

Kathy at Cake Eater Chronicles serves up one of those lists that make the rounds from time to time. This one is a sampling of memorable metaphors and analogies from high school essays. Here are several that made me simultaneously laugh and grimace:

• The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  
• He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
  
• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  
• McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
• Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  

Kathy shares 25 of these gems over at her blog.